Hand Sanitizer and Helpers

Okay. I’m done. 🙌🏼 

I’m a sobbing mess in #Walmart, but this time not from fear over this virus situation. God just showed me His provision through a Spring Hill Walmart employee named Vickie.

True story. I was checking out and we were talking about the craziness of the people buying up and hoarding stuff. I told her it frustrated me because I have a daughter that is immune suppressed and I haven’t been able to buy ONE bottle of hand sanitizer. I haven’t found rubbing alcohol either. People are waiting for the stores to open to buy it up. I have a box of Germ-X wipes and that’s all I’ve been able to get. That’s been a huge fear of mine that I’ve not really shared. Protecting Eily from this mess.

Y’all, this angel reached into her pocket and said “Here, take this.” It was her own personal bottle of sanitizer! She said she used to live in California and that, after the earthquakes, you learn to always have a preparedness kit. She has a daughter with a heart condition, so sanitizer is something she made sure to have on hand. She told me to bring the bottle back in the morning and she will refill it for me. I seriously started sobbing and she just gave me the biggest hug. I’m sure we both looked a mess, but I don’t care. God is good y’all!!!😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

I just had to share this because:

1. In all of this mess, we need to know there are still good people in this world,

2. Like Mr. Rodgers said, "Look for the helpers," just like Vickie was my helper, 

3. The world needs more Vickie's, and 

4. This was a God-wink for me, and for you, to show us that He is still in control through it all.

Coronavirus-Schmonavirus; are you fearful?

Y’all. I’m going to bear my heart (yes, I know I do that often). Long post ahead; don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This entire time through the Coronavirus situation, I have said over and over that I am not fearful of it. That’s still true, I am not. I am not fearful of this virus.

But for some reason yesterday afternoon, panic grabbed my heart. Not in a little twinge of fear, but an absolute moment of utter breakdown while I was in Target. I apologize to all who witnessed this #SendWine.

I had a feeling the kids were going to be out of school for a bit (God help us all and may the odds ever be in your favor) after I heard Governor Lee’s suggestion for all schools across the state to close. I knew I didn’t have enough food in the house to feed 3 teenagers for 2 weeks, so grocery shopping is where I went. I was fine, I truly was, until I passed the peanut butter aisle. Empty. I passed the soup aisle. Empty. I passed the TP and paper towel aisle. Empty. Laundry detergent was slim pickings. There were only a few jugs of milk left. Then it hit me. FEAR AND PANIC. Not fear of the virus, but absolute fear of not being able to care for my children during this time. It isn’t about lack of finances, but a lack of resources. I looked and saw what felt like utter madness that the stores would be almost empty, all because of a virus.

I have never been by myself through a time of panic in our country. If it was just me with no kids, I would be completely fine...thanks to 9 seasons of The Walking Dead, I’m pretty sure I’ve got some mad post apocalypse survival skills. 💁🏻‍♀️ But it’s not just me, it’s my kids too. That’s where my fear came from. I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted my husband by my side more than I wanted him in that moment.

Obviously, he’s not here. I am a single mom caring for 3 teenagers and we’re going to be okay. I know this. I called on my precious Sisters (love you my Soul Sisters) to lift me in prayer. I called my amazing cousin Amy who encouraged my heart.

Y’all, this is the Devil. I truly believe this. I believe over the last few months that there has been a mighty revival for Jesus and that the enemy doesn’t like it. This is his little temper tantrum to divert our attention from God’s glory.

The enemy knows the virus is not a fear for me, but he know that not being able to care for and protect my children is. That is where he got me.

DO NOT ALLOW THE ENEMY TO SNAKE FEAR INTO YOUR HEART.

Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God.”

Now, does this mean to be foolish about taking precautions against the virus? Not at all, we still need to be diligent in helping to protect others, but to me, it just reiterates that God is in control.

Fear says that I don’t trust God. I do trust Him. My God is the one who created everything on this precious earth, from the largest mountain to the smallest virus. He knows my future; He has plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11. I trust Him with my life and with my children’s lives.

I will not allow the enemy to grip my heart with fear and I pray that for you too. 

In the Morning

Today is Saturday. 

I really like to sleep in when I can, but this morning I was awoken way too early by my dogs who REALLY wanted to be fed...like immediately. When you have a 110 pound goldendoodle standing over you licking your face and pawing at you, you don't lay there. You get up and you start your day, but I didn't really want to do that today. I REALLY wanted to lay in bed this morning and do nothing, but I decided to get up and get going.

I fed the dogs (in case you were wondering, they were extremely happy to eat) and sat down at my computer to check my Facebook messages like I do every morning. During the night I was sent a message from a friend who I haven't seen in almost 30 years. She just found me on Facebook and saw that I had lost Steve. Unfortunately, she has been through the same thing; she lost her sweet husband 10 years ago to liver cancer. Bless her for reaching out to me; it truly meant a lot. 

As I was writing her, I really felt the Holy Spirit urging me towards Psalm 30:5. 

"...weeping may tarry for a night, but joy comes with the morning."

I've grown up hearing this verse many times, but today this scripture really jumped out at me in a different light.. Don't you just love that? Hebrews 4:12 tells us that the Word of God is alive and active, so isn't it just like God to use scripture to speak to our hearts in new ways?

When I've heard this scripture in the past, it evoked a picture in my mind of someone going to bed sad and waking up happy. Pretty childish and silly, but honestly, it's one truth of this verse. But let me dig just a little deeper with it. What really jumped out at me is this:

NIGHT DOES NOT LAST FOREVER

THE DARK DOES NOT LAST FOREVER

 THE SUN ALWAYS RISES

MORNING ALWAYS COMES

Charles Spurgeon said it best when he wrote this commentary on Psalm 30:5:

"Morning always follows night, and the weeping believer may be confident that as he keeps his focus on God, He will bring him once again to joy."

My sweet friends, there is so much truth in this. Just as the sun always rises in the morning, joy will come again. Does this mean you will always be happy? Heck no. Just ask my friends how many times they've seen me a sobbing mess. Many times. Sometimes many times a day. Just keeping it real.

BUT I HAVE JOY

Happiness is an emotion. It is a temporary emotion typically determined by what is currently going on in our lives at that moment. 

Joy is a state. It's where our hearts live. It is not determined by our circumstances, but is given to us by God. 

My sweet friends, I pray that no matter your circumstance, that you continue to seek after God. 

Allow Him to bring you to joy. 

Day By Day

4 months. Yesterday it was 4 months that my amazing husband walked into Jesus’ arms.

The day he died I thought I would never breathe again. I thought my heart would ever never feel again. But I know that my AMAZING, WONDERFUL and HOLY God is holding my husband. Steve is in heaven waiting on me. That gives me purpose and a hope.

September 14, 2019 wasn’t goodbye, it was see you later. 

Steve is Home...but I’m still here.

My heart misses him more than anyone could ever imagine. Steve Jacobs was my best friend, my husband, my spiritual leader, my lover, the father of my children...my soul mate. I will never hear him tell me I love you again. I will never hear his voice or his laugh. I will never feel his arms holding me or his kiss. He is gone.

I am walking this road of being a single parent to 3 teenagers whose world has been shattered. How do I even do this??? We are hurting. We are walking an unimaginable pain...but we are definitely not walking it alone. Community is how I’ve done it and this is how I will continue my journey.

Through these past four months, God has brought into my life amazing friends. 

The days when I couldn’t hold my head up, they held it for me. 

When I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other, they helped me walk. 

When I couldn’t see through my grief to figure out how to help my children, they showed me. 

When my children needed someone besides their grieving mom, they were there without hesitation. 

When I felt like I was drowning they helped me breathe. 

When I never thought I would feel, they helped my heart beat again.

Jesus. Jesus is holding my husband right now, but through my friends and family, He is holding me too.

I am so thankful for every one of you. The prayers, the messages, the devotions, the coffee talks, the hugs, the trips, the meals, the laughs, the encouragement. You all have helped us in so many ways and sometimes you didn’t even realize you were being Jesus to us.

My heart is healing. I’m starting to feel normal again. My heart is starting to feel again.

Two weeks before he died, on a morning walk, I was given the gift of the “what if” conversation with Steve. Not a flippant conversation, but a deep, heartfelt conversation. 

People, that was SUCH a gift. 

I KNOW that he doesn’t want me to sit and wallow in my sorrow. I KNOW that he wants me to move through. I KNOW that he wants me to be happy.

I will make it and I will be okay. 

Day by day and Jesus.

An Attitude of Gratitude

All of my normal Thanksgiving preparations are done. It was easy to go through the motions and finish everything, but it all feels so, so wrong.

This is a hard Thanksgiving, not only because we lost Steve, but we also lost my dad (my last parent) just 3 months earlier. This is my first holiday without, not only ANY of my parents, but also my husband. I’m so thankful that I still have my brother and sister-in-law close by, but it still just feels off.

Here’s the deal though. I can sit here and feel sorry for myself, or I can CHOOSE to have an attitude of gratitude. I know that sounds cliche’ish, but there’s truth to this. Thankfulness is a choice. Everyone has crap they’re dealing with, mine just might look different than yours. None of it is fun and a lot of it is heart wrenching and lonely, but there is always something to be thankful for. Always.

I am thankful that I got to have Steve in my life for 22 years.
I am thankful for our beautiful children.
I am thankful that I have my brother close by.
I am thankful for Steve’s family.
I am thankful that I have a roof over my head.
I am thankful that I have cars to drive.
I am thankful that I have gas in my tank.
I am thankful I have food in my belly.
I am thankful that I have clean water to drink.
I am thankful that I am healthy.
I am thankful that I can worship my Jesus whenever and wherever I want.

Yes, we are going through a really hard time right now, but just look at that list! I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the things I have to be thankful for. An amazing church family, friends, extended family...those are just a few more!

Tomorrow, if the loneliness, anger, bitterness and pity try to settle in your heart, just take a second to SPEAK OUT LOUD what you are thankful for. Take the time to remind yourself that, even in hard times, you are truly blessed.

Here we go...

Hi, I'm Rachel.

I've never been a blogger, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a tendency to share my heart openly and honestly and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable. I thought this would be a good venue to share my journey without overwhelming everyone on the Facebook.

So, what is my journey? I am a mother to 3 amazing kids. Well, they're kids to me, but honestly one is an adult and the other two are quickly approaching adulthood. Navigating the transition between teenager to adult has been a journey in itself, but unfortunately, I am also a recent widow to the love of my life. We had just celebrated our 20th anniversary 10 days prior when I lost him to a sudden, massive heart attack. Right now I am trying to navigate life without him. I am trying to find my "new normal."

So, this is my truth. This is my journey.

Let's just start with the obvious. Jesus & Lexapro. You may be thinking this is such an odd name for a blog. You may be thinking that it's a little sacrilegious, or you may be thinking "I get it. I see where she's coming from."

So why Jesus  and why Lexapro?

First and foremost, Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There is SO MUCH POWER in His name. He is the love of my  life, my savior and my everything. Without Jesus, I would have never realized the freedom I have available to me through His sacrifice. I would still be set in the sin I was in and would be living a destructive life.

Secondly, Lexapro. Because I am human and sometimes a girl (or boy) just needs a little help. And if we're being totally honest, the title of this blog should probably be Jesus, Lexapro and Sometimes Valium.

I am going to start by copying posts from Facebook. This blog isn't just to share my journey, but I also want a record of it for myself.

God has been so faithful to me. I have seen His provision over and over again. It is nice to look back to be reminded of his goodness.

SO. MUCH. PAPERWORK.

I'm struggling to see the problem...